i'm on your magical mystery ride
by katanafleet
Summary: The beard was truly atrocious, he thought as he fixed it with the help of the mirror. He left his hook up his sleeve because it fit well enough and they never knew what might calm a semi-hysterical child that didn't want to meet Santa. Perhaps some screaming three-year-old would be entertained by the idea of Santa with a hook.


"Killian!" David called.

"Yes, mate?" he replied. Killian Jones knew what was coming, based on the vaguely apologetic and faintly wheedling tone in his brother-in-law's voice.

Emma glanced up at her brother when David didn't immediately reply. She was dressed as a princess to his pirate today, handing out candy to the kids. Probably this was to butter them up before seeing Santa, maybe prevent a few more of them from crying.

David finally made his way through the crowd of children and parents surrounding Emma and Killian. "Killian, Leroy's sick. I'm sending him home."

"What kind of sick?" Emma asked curiously as she handed a small bag of m'ms to a little girl, who grinned and hugged her arm.

David grimaced. "He ate too many of those pretzels, I think. Anyway, Killian, I need you to take over for him."

"As Santa?" he asked incredulously. He'd played Santa before, but he'd hoped never to do so again. Firstly, the costume was hot. Secondly, he had to deal with crying children who sometimes seemed to wish death upon him. Thirdly, Emma did not find the white beard and extra stomach padding terribly attractive.

"Yeah," David groaned. "I never wanted to see you in it again—"

"Careful, Dave, I'm a married man." Emma smirked.

"—but you're the only one. Eric and Aurora have disappeared and aren't answering their phones. I don't think I want to check either of their vehicles at the moment. Robin has completely refused and Regina's eyes promised me death if I asked again."

"Why can't you do it?" Killian asked plaintively as he gave a tiny boy a few miniature chocolate bars.

"Have to get back to Mary Margaret," David said happily. "She needs to get to the store and I have to watch Leo and command all of you."

Killian tried to argue but Emma interrupted him, placing a hand on his arm. "Just go," she muttered. "It'll make him happy."

"Only for you, my love," he sighed and kissed his princess quickly, to the delight of several teenagers in their candy queue. Killian distinctly heard "look, the princess and the pirate, so cute." He pecked her one more time for the thirteen-year-old who looked like she was about to faint with joy. And because he couldn't resist Emma in a long pink dress with gold thread.

He followed David into the dressing room and threw on a Santa costume after getting most of his leather off. The beard was truly atrocious, he thought as he fixed it with the help of the mirror. He left his hook up his sleeve because it was big enough and they never knew what might calm a semi-hysterical child that didn't want to meet Santa. Perhaps some screaming three-year-old would be entertained by the idea of Santa with a hook.

David helped a slightly green and tottering Leroy down from his throne of sorts and Killian bounded up there a few minutes later, long enough that the kids had mostly forgotten what stature Santa was.

The first kid in his lap was around eight and was clearly doubting the existence of a Santa. After several difficult questions in which he assured the boy that Santa Claus was in fact real, he asked the kid what he wanted for Christmas. "A train set," the boy said.

"Can do," Killian said in his Santa voice, which was basically his own voice except a bit lighter on the accent and a little deeper. He smiled at the camera, which blinded him for a moment, and the kid fidgeted. He nodded at Tink, who was dressed as his helper elf, and she helped the kid down the throne and next to his father once more.

The next one was a two-year-old girl who didn't say a thing, no matter what Killian said. She tugged at his beard for a second, but when it didn't come off, she gave up. Killian eventually just passed her down to her terrified mother after the obligatory photo.

After that, the kids blurred together, all different ages asking for anything from a new box of crayons to a trampoline. Killian smiled for a picture with each kid, even if the child was screaming, crying, or just scowling.

There was a lull in the crowd for a moment, and he glanced over at his wife, who was still handing out candy. She turned and grinned up at him, traced his bearded face with her eyes and laughed for a second.

He smiled. A tiny girl with blonde hair tugged on Emma's long princess sleeve and they whispered together for a moment. Then the little girl took the proffered candy and made her way to Killian's Santa throne. He suffered through another screaming eleven-month-old and Tink all but tossed the kid back to his clearly exhausted yet proud parents.

The girl tripped up to sit on his lap, taking Tink's hand primly as an assist up the stairs. She sat there on his lap for a moment, just staring at him.

"What do you want for Christmas?" he asked.

"My mother's already gotten me the fairy tale book I asked for," she replied formally. Killian didn't know what to say to that, really. They stared at each other for a few more seconds. "Is your beard real?" she finally asked.

Killian was startled into the truth. "No—of course it is," he corrected himself.

She grinned. "I knew it wasn't," she said triumphantly. "The princess down there said to ask."

"Did she?" he muttered. He forgot to turn his Santa voice on.

"I asked if you were that pirate who had been with her earlier, and she didn't say. Are you?"

Something in the little girl's voice and manner made Killian completely discomfited, but not in a bad way. He suddenly thought that this little girl would be what a little Emma must have been like, maybe what a child of theirs would be like. He leaned down to her and whispered, "Can you keep a secret?"

Her eyes widened and she nodded, a smile growing on her face again. Even her eyes were a little like his wife's. Beautifully green and so wide in their curiosity. "Are you the pirate? The one in love with the princess?"

Slowly, for dramatic effect, he pulled the hook from his sleeve. The girl reached for it and he showed her how to hold it. She giggled. "You are the pirate!" she exclaimed. "You're in love with the pretty princess!"

"That's me," he sighed, completely forgetting that he was wearing a Santa costume. "Hopelessly in love with the princess that commandeered my ship and my heart."

"And now you're going to go back to her kingdom with her, and earn your pardon, and marry the princess!" she added.

"Quite right, milady," he said, deciding not to show the child his ring. Might ruin her fantasy.

A woman called from near Emma's station, a name he couldn't quite hear. The little girl drooped on his lap, sighing and letting go of the hook. "Keep it," he said, lightly pushing it back to her.

She giggled, the camera going off just as she hugged him. Tink grinned and helped her down from the throne. She ran to the woman, probably her mother, just as David's voice came over the loudspeaker.

"Hey everyone, we're having to close up in ten minutes. Hope you have a great night!"

Killian made his way down from the throne, Tink chattering at his heels. He had long ago learned to tune the enthusiastic little woman out for the sake of his own sanity, but he caught "you" and "Emma" and "baby", and that was quite enough.

He and Robin and the reappeared Eric changed in the bathroom. He stared in the mirror, considering the eyeliner, and finally decided to let Emma help him get it off when they got home. He wasn't in the mood for a smudged face, which is how it would have ended up if he'd removed it.

He and Emma said their goodnights, Killian punching David lightly in the shoulder for the Santa job. Really, it hadn't been as bad as usual, especially with the child at the end.

Killian opened the passenger's door for Emma with a little flourish and bow, she getting into the seat with a bit of an eye roll. He got into the driver's seat and waited for the Hoods to move their car.

"Emma?" he asked once they were on the highway.

"Yeah?" She had her head leaned back, her eyes probably closed.

"Have you considered having one of those little ones?" Because he couldn't forget that little girl, her inquisitiveness, her admiration of the hook, her eyes that were so similar to Emma's.

"Of course I have," she replied in her sleepy voice.

Killian stayed quiet for a second. "How about soon?"

"Sounds good," she said pensively. "I turned to look at you whenever I heard screaming, saw you with the babies, and frankly that was the most adorable thing I've ever seen. And the last little girl, the one you gave your hook to. That's what made me decide," she continued, her voice dropping into lower tones. "Let's have a kid."

Killian didn't really know what to say, aside from the fact that he really wanted to kiss his wife. "Really? Watching me in a stupid Santa costume with admittedly one of the best children I've ever met made you decide you want a child?"

"Even with the beard," she said, turning and kissing him on the cheek.

He thanked David twelve months later, as they looked down at baby Liam in his tiny pirate costume, for making him wear the Santa costume that day.


End file.
